Luigi's Stupid Haunted Mansion Adventure
by CloudySkies17695
Summary: (ON HIATUS...I think.) One day, Luigi won a mansion from a contest he didn't enter. Then it turns out it's actually a big, spooky, haunted mansion, and it only gets worse from there. Sort of. Happy...Halloween?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: I Would Make a Ghostbusters Reference, but I've Never Watched Any of the Films. I Really Want to Now, Though.**

It was a dark and stormy night. ...Ugh, who am I kidding? That's the oldest saying in the book. There's no way I can make that scary!

Um, where was I? Ah, yes! Ahem… It was a dark and stormy night, and all through the forest, not a creature was stirring, except I'd be lying since there were crows there. Oh, and Luigi, too.

Ooh, wait! Did you know that if you transpose the letters of Luaisy a little bit, you get lasy? It's funny because not only does it kind of sound like lazy, but it also refers to nature! Sort of. I could've sworn that I once read somewhere that the word lasy had to do with nature.

By lazy, I mean, well, think about it. Though not one percent canon, people consider Mario and Peach a couple, right? I guess people were all like, in their very lispy voices, "Oh, Luigi doesn't have a gurlfriend. I know! Let's pair him with that orange gurl that Mario rescued once! Uh, what was her name again? Oh, yes! I know! Maisy! Wait, that's not right… Eh, who cares?" Disgusting. I spit on thee. But then, I spit on thyself because I hate myself. And I already hate this story, so I spit on it, too.

Aw, who am I playing? Lasy probably isn't even a real word. I even tried looking laisy up, and I still got nothing.

Oh, yeah. Mario entered the mansion earlier. I forgot to mention that earlier. It's part of the reason why Luigi even came. Okay, it's probably the main reason. He hadn't come back yet. So maybe it was the main reason. Look, I give up at this point.

So, anyway, Luigi was walking through the woods because _apparently_ , he won a mansion from a contest he didn't even enter. Yeah, that's not sketchy as all hell.

He looked at his map, assuring himself he took the right path. Then, he looked up to see what appeared to be his new mansion, followed by a clap of thunder.

There was a small smile on the plumber's face, those it was obvious he was fearful. "Yeah, that's not suspicious at all!" he quickly mumbled with unblinking eyes.

Regardless of his judgement, he decided to keep on going. He steadily walked towards the mansion, two crows watching him from afar. No doubt they were staring at his great ass.

Okay, who the hell is writing this? This is horrible! ...Me? Well, no wonder!

Luigi slowly and heavily turned the doorknob and peeked inside the mansion. "Hewwo?" he chimed in a stupid tone before coughing and clearing this throat. "Bleh. Don't know what that was about."

He deeply exhaled, his breath being visible. He shivered as he felt a chill run down his spine. "Yeesh, it's cold in here." He paused for a moment, and then remembered the main reason he even visited the mansion.

Luigi called his brother's name, but there was no response. Feeling uneasy, he called for him again and was greeted by the same silence. That feeling of unease continued to loom over him. Hesitantly, he shone his flashlight around the foyer as he began to walk around. He went up some stairs and found a door. He went to open it, but it was locked. He huffed a little before going down the stairs to continue looking around. When we got back down to the ground floor, he noticed a peculiar sight. Within the air was a key surrounded by a orange glow.

"Um, excuse me? Why is that key floating?" Luigi thought to himself, keeping a slight distance apart from the floating key. In actuality, the orange glow wasn't because the key was haunted, but that'd be kinda cool. The...thing holding the key flew away, leaving the key to drop on the ground.

Luigi slowly approached the key, making sure it was safe to pick it up. Upon picking it up, he did a little peace sign just for shits and giggles. He took a good look at they, assuming it was for the door on the next story. Slowly, we walked up the stairs again, soon finding himself in front of the door again. Hesitantly, he put the key in the keyhole and unlocked the door. I mean, how else is he going to open it? Is he gonna kick the door down? That seems a little out of character, if you ask me, but still really cool, nonetheless.

He reluctantly turned the doorknob and let himself into the parlor. He slowly began to creep around until he bumped into something, or rather, someone. In front of him was an orange ghost. Luigi was silent for a moment before letting out a shriek of terror.

"EEEYAAAAH!"

He began sliding backwards using his palms. "Oh god, oh god, OH GOD! Please leave me alone! I don't want to die tonight! Just please don't kill me!" He curled into a ball, unsure what to do. Then, he heard a sound akin to a vacuum. Well, that's because someone _was_ using a vacuum.

A seemingly old man began sucking up the ghost with the device, Luigi watching from behind a table all the while. While the man was doing a good job, the ghost was able to escape the wrath of the might vacuum, leaving the man to sit on the ground in defeat.

The ghost stuck out its tongue and pulled down its eyelid before disappearing. The short midget glasses-wearing guy continued to sit weakly on the ground. Luigi slowly approached him, getting the feeling he was on the alignment of good.

The man rubbed his head. "Oof. I sure take a lot of knocks in this kind of work." He faced Luigi and gave him a smile before getting back on his feet. "I'm getting way too old for this ghost-catching tomfoolery."

He stopped his tangent and proceeded to shake Luigi's hand. "Well, anyway, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Professor E. Gadd. There's no need to be so quiet, my boy."

Luigi twiddled his thumbs a little and looked to the side. "Oh, yeah… Of course. Sorry."

E. Gadd huffed and shook his head. "Tsk tsk… This house… I swear it seems to have more ghosts each day!"

Luigi began to sweat a little. "Yeah, that's not unnerving at all!" he thought to himself.

Professor E. Gadd turned to face the plumber. "So, anyway, what's a young feller like you doing around here, anyhoo?"

Luigi rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, uh, it's a long story. You see…"

He didn't have time to finish his sentence, though, as three ghosts appeared in front of the two, causing poor Luigi to draw back in fear. "Uh-oh! This looks ugly," E. Gadd exclaimed. Yeah, no duh, professor.

He looked at Luigi, who was still frozen with fear "All right, youngster, look lively! We need to make posthaste!"

He quickly took Luigi's hand and led him out of the mansion, away from the ghosts. Well, at least for now, anyway.

Did I mention I hate this story? I literally wrote this in two days because I wanted to get this out on Halloween. That's why it seems so rushed. Even then, I'm probably never going to update it. ...Just don't be surprised if this chapter gets a huge major rehaul one day. Hope to see you when chapter 2 comes out. It's coming out sometime in… 2022. Okay, bye.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Synopsis: One day, Luigi won a mansion from a contest he didn't enter. Then it finds out it's actually a spooky, haunted mansion, and it only gets worse from there. Sort of. Happy...Halloween?**_

 **Chapter 2: Okay, I Kind of Lied. I'm Getting Kind of Invested in This and I've Already Began Planning Out the Sequel to This and I Can't Tell if That's Really Impressive or Really Sad.**

"So, you said your name's Luigi, yes?"

The plumber nodded, proceeding to sip some tea that E. Gadd had prepared for him.

E. Gadd cooed softly. "Ah, yes. I do think our paths were destined to cross. Well met, Luigi."

Luigi nodded and began to twiddle his thumbs again. "Yeah, uh, it's nice to meet you, too, and all, E. Gadd, but... Where exactly are we?"

E. Gadd cooed again. "Why, these cozy quarters are where I do my ghost-studying. It's Professor E. Gadd's ol' Ghost research laboratory! Just don't go call it a lavatory, and we'll be fine, sonny. Either way, you're free to just refer to it as the lab if you're of a shortening mind."

A befuddled expression formed on Luigi's face. "Uh, yeah…Thanks."

E. Gadd's smile began to falter as he let out a huff. "So, let me get this straight. You won this mansion in a contest you didn't even enter? Sounds pretty fishy to me…" Letting out another sigh, he shook his head. "You actually believe this mansion exists, huh?"

Luigi tilted his head to the side. "Huh? What do you mean?"

E. Gadd adjusted his glasses before slamming his elbows on the table and tenting his fingers, startling the green-clad man. "Listen to me, sonny. I've been living here since I was a lad or twenty or so, and I've never seen this mansion in my entire life. It literally just appeared a few days ago! The spirits have fooled you, I tell you! You've been bamboozled!"

The professor shook his head. "I don't know if it's a dream, an illusion, or what-all, but I surely wouldn't be too happy winning a haunted house! Then again, I don't really know any people who would." He proceeded to let out a laugh similar to how a haughty anime woman would, a sweatdrop falling down Luigi's head meanwhile.

E. Gadd began to rub his chin and leaned forward. "Hmmm… Now that I get a look at you, I just recalled… Hmm… Uhm..." He lifted a finger up. "Ah! That's it! Now I know why you seem so familiar! This guy with a red hat that looked a lot like yours went up to that mansion without stopping to chat, and-"

Almost immediately, Luigi spat out his tea and slammed his hands on the table. "That's Mario! Have you seen him?"

E. Gadd narrowed his eyes. "...Like I was about to say, I haven't seen him since. Judging by your reaction, perhaps he wasn't a dream. Or, perhaps, you were dreaming, too? Hmm… How peculiar…"

Luigi slammed his hands on the table again, almost causing the tea in both of their cups to spill. "No, E. Gadd, please! You've got to understand! Mario is my brother and I haven't seen him since he headed off towards the mansion. If anything were to happen to him. I..." Luigi stopped himself there, already beginning to feel his emotions overtake him.

E. Gadd drew back and put a hand near his mouth. "What? That guy was your brother? Oh no! That's horrible! Oh, he wouldn't even stand a chance against those ghosts without my help!"

He then noticed Luigi who was frozen in place, his complexion pale and his expression unchanging. "Sorry. I must've scared you a bit with that statement, huh?" He sighed before shooting Luigi a somewhat serious, yet lax expression. "Okay, here's the plan: I'll teach you how to deal with ghosts so you can rescue your brother! Err, Milo, was it not?"

Luigi's eyes narrowed. "Mario."

E. Gadd casually waved his hand up and down. "Of course, of course! I was just playing with you, sonny." He clearly his throat and pointed in an unspecified direction. "Alrighty, then! Let me take you to the training room!"

E. Gadd lifted up a finger again. "Ah! But first off…" He handed Luigi...something. It seemed to be controls on how to use, well, umm, I don't know. Something about movement style and light types, or whatever. Look. I'm trying to write this as close to the game as possible while trying to have it make sense in context. Give me a break.

Regardless, Luigi soon found himself in the training room. When he got there, E. Gadd proceeded to call him on the Game Boy Horror he provided him.

Heh. Game Boy Horror. More like Game Boy… I'm glad I stopped myself. What I made in mind was really distasteful.

Okay, but real talk. How the hell is Luigi supposed to see E. Gadd on that small ass screen while in a dark ass mansion? I grew up with the SP, mind you, but I own a Game Boy Color of my own, and I can tell you that the screens on those things are wack. You can't see shit on the damn things. Okay, _maybe_ E. Gadd put in a backlight, or got a refurbished one from some other guy, but that's a big maybe. It's also in full color from what I can tell, which is also pretty inaccurate. It's either all of that or I'm looking way too deep into a fanfiction (THAT I WROTE) based off a video game.

"That thing on your back…" E. Gadd began. "That's the vacuum cleaner I used engineered to catch ghosts—Just like the one I failed to...catch. Anyway, it's what you'll be using during your time here. I call it… this is genius… the Poltergust 3000!" Luigi facefaulted, unsure how to respond to E. Gadd's terrible, but infectious pun.

E. Gadd clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. "Okay, listen. Let me let you in on some, cold, hard facts. No matter how strong you think your brother is… Ghosts are mysterious beings… They can't be caught using conventional means. So that's why I've given you the Poltergust. You'd better use it! It's the only way to foil them! This is the only thing they truly fear! Or something to that effect… Um, anyhoo, how's about we start your training?"

"How 'bout no?" Luigi thought to himself, though the thought quickly exited his mind when he remembered about Mario. Honestly, that was the only reason he even decided to visit the mansion. If it had been just him and he saw the mansion, he would've noped on out of there.

"Ghosts seem to like the darkness," E. Gadd continued, "often avoiding light whenever they can. Isn't that a hoot? So, if you hit 'em with a sudden beam of light, they're sure to get startled and be stunned momentarily! Then, it's vacuuming time, so don't miss your chance! When sucking up a ghost, I highly recommend going in the opposite direction of said ghost. Just try it for yourself so you don't have to listen to me yap about it. So, with that out of the way…"

Within an instant, the lights in the training room went off, causing Luigi to jump a little. Then, a ghost popped out of one of the, uh, holes(?), causing Luigi to yelp before violently waving his flashlight at the spectral being. Despite his frantic flailing, it seemed to do the trick. Hastily, he sucked the ghost up, heaving a sigh of relief after doing so.

"Glad that's over with," he thought to himself, wiping a small bit of sweat from his forehead. Of course, this is a story about Luigi. The poor man can never catch a break, so of course something was going to go to hell really quick.

"Huzzah!" E. Gadd cheered. "That's the ticket, my boy! Surprise 'em with the light when they get close and then suck them up as soon as you see their heart! Zing! Pow! Just like that! Right in the opposite direction and right in the kisser! You got that? OK, now let the real training begin!"

Suddenly, another ghost appeared, prompting the green man to do the same thing he did to the last one, only this time with a little more finesse (and possibly a little less anxiety. Possibly).

E. Gadd clapped his hands together a couple times. "Well done, Luigi! That's exactly how you do it! I never would've expected you to get the hang of it so quickly!" The old man proceeded to clear this throat. "Anyway, I thought I should tell you something. Ghosts don't always show up alone, but the basics remain the same. Now get ready for two ghosts at once!"

"Wait, what?" Then, like E. Gadd had said, a pair of ghosts appeared, frightening the poor plumber, but with barely a second thought, he disposed of them the same way before-flashing them and giving them a good ol' suck, two sets of hearts falling on the ground after doing so.

E. Gadd suddenly lit up. "Ah! I forgot to mention-If you suck up two ghosts at once, you may get something good!"

"Something good?" Luigi thought to himself. "Isn't the reassurance that they're out of the way good enough?"

Of course, Luigi wouldn't have much time to continue dwelling in his thoughts, as two more ghosts began to float behind him. He hesitated at first, but he was able to get rid of them just like the others before them.

"Splendid work, my boy!" E. Gadd beamed. Don't let your guard down just yet, though! You're about to be in for a real challenge!"

Just then, four ghosts appeared at once. Naturally, this caused Luigi to panic. He froze up, something of which is probably not very good when ghostbusting.

Hey, wait. Time out, please. Now that I these ghosts are really cooperative, aren't they? Before this, one of them absolutely clapped E. Gadd. Now, they seem to be willing to let themselves get sucked up. What is this backwash mahogany?

Also, the ghosts do have names. They're called Gold Ghosts yet I've just been calling them ghosts this entire time. Sorry.

Luigi found himself huddled in a corner, slowly being surrounded by the ghosts. The Gold Ghosts. He fumbled around, looking for his flashlight, being able to stun at least two of them just in the nick of time. Then, he got to sucking them up. He quickly stopped to catch his breath before going through the same song and dance with the other two ghosts.

E. Gadd clapped his hands together a couple times. "Okay, that'll do! You can let your guard down now." Luigi more than happily obliged to E. Gadd's statement.

E. Gadd pulled out a clipboard and began to write something down. "Just a second, my boy. I'm tallying the results as we speak."

Then, the lights in the training room came back on as fireworks went off. "Wow! Ten out of ten ghosts! Positively dazzling, Luigi!" E. Gadd cheered. "I must say you are truly a natural at this. Why, you're probably more than ready to look for your brother, no doubt!"

Luigi sheepishly smiled as he rubbed the back of his head. "Aww, come on, E. Gadd. I'm blushing…"

...That…didn't sound _too_ weird, right?

E. Gadd rested a fist near his mouth and nodded. "Fine, fine. It seems you worked up quite a sweat. How about a little cool-down in the gallery? I'm quite proud of it, you know…"

Luigi waved his open hand from side to side. "Um, no thanks, E. Gadd. I'll pass."

E. Gadd jumped a little, genuinely a bit surprised at Luigi's remark."Really, you're not interested? ...Well, there's something I have to show you in there, so bear with me. Besides, you must be tired, no doubt."

Luigi began to sulk a little, but he decided to try and comply with E. Gadd, if only reluctantly. "Okie-dokie… I'll go check it out." Shutting off the Game Boy Horror, Luigi sighed, but he soon smiled to himself, knowing that there was a chance that he could get out of this mess alive.

Along with Mario, of course. He's important, too. You see, in these parts, we live in a "Mario Protection Zone" and anyone who is seem partaking in actions deemed harmful, they will no longer be considered my real son and I will proceed to literally throw them under a bus, killing them instantly.

...Okay, that was a little harsh. I'm sorry.


End file.
